I have a general aversion to technology, and distrust anything that pledges to instantly make my life easier/faster/more streamlined. If this thing was so great, they would have invented it already, no?
But I did pick up two new toys last week worth talking about:
AlphaSmart Dana
The Dana is a wordprocessor that’s built for writers in mind. There aren’t too many frills to this baby: basic palm pilot applications, a light-yet-sturdy design, and basic text formatting options. But first and foremost is the important question: What should I name it?
I name most of my electronics. My LEXAR thumb drive is Ramone, my Ipod mini is AnneMarie. The easy way out would have been Dana. But Dana makes me think of a 27-year old blond actress playing an 18-year old high school girl, and I hated high school. So instead, I named her Gertrude.
Hello, Gertrude.
Gertrude’s been great. She doesn’t get all hot and heavy while on my lap, so bar any future sun damage or large doses of radiation, I still have a good shot of producing illegitimate children I’ll love less than my “real kids.” She’s not Internet capable, which means she won’t let me look at porn while I work. Not even if I get on my knees and beg for a little skin, or try to woo her with flowers or chocolates. Nope, despite the number of hours she spends straddling me, the prude bitch refuses to put out.
Her keyboard response is great, the screen is well-lit and comes with a back light, and blah blah blah. You know what, Gertrude? If you really loved me, you’d prove it to me. God, I’m just so frustrated… I can’t even look at you anymore. We’re done here. Check out Pen Computing for a complete review.
LG CU515
I also got a new phone last week, the LG CU515. It’s a plum colored beauty, with the nickname, um… Plum (apparently, I’m more creative than LG’s entire marketing team.) I haven’t re-christened it with its non-slave name yet, but I’m leaning towards Barry or Mrs. Robinson.
Thus far, I’ve pretty happy with the phone. I like the color, I like the shape. The reception is solid, and lacks the buzzing noise my Razor used to make – a cross between mosquitoes violently mating in a three-way and a drill bit pounding into your ear.
With a micro SD card, you can store a bunch of tunes, and the sound quality is surprisingly good. The only problem is if the song’s too big, it won’t fit a custom ring tone. (I spent ten minutes trying to turn this into a sophmoric penis joke – I’m taking suggestions.)
Battery life is good, but the alarm could use some work. It’s just too easy to treat it like some unwanted baby: slap it around once or twice, and it momentarily stops whining, long enough for you to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, it’s bawling again, and before you know it, you’re throwing it across the room, where it hits the wall, rolls over, and shuts the hell up. It’s just got no fight.
CNET has a slightly less biased review, but they won’t compare it to babies, and where’s the fun in that?
